Saturday, December 29, 2007

Why did Huckabee run?

Mike Huckabee's campaign is like some sort of comic satiric novel, alternatively absurd and pathetic slapstick. He did not run to win. He ran for the attention. His grand scheme was to be vaulted out of Arkansas obscurity onto the top of the charts of evangelical superstars. Would it lead to being a Dr. Phil type with a unique evangelical and political twist, nationally syndicated of course. Could he become a great and costly motivational speaker with the same m.o. His Hope nemesis Bill Clinton commands $100K for a single speech. Couldn't he at least 50K with some real national recognition? Pat Robertson's getting really old, Falwell died, who will be the next evangelical hustler to sit at the right arm of Presidents, and move the needle at election time. Or perhaps all of that's an exaggeration and he was just looking for a cushy cabinet job like Health Education and Welfare. He didn't intend to run for president.

"Uh oh. I'm leading. What do I do now? Somebody get me some maps. How the heck am I supposed to read all these newspapers after getting my morning jog in? I thought my comments today about the Bhutto assassination showing why we need to build that border fence to keep Pakis from sneaking in from Mexico were spot on, and then there's all this nitpickin' about my foreign policy expertise. And I still like that Holiday Inn Express line. Everybody laughed, it still works in Iowa."

On 2/10/07 an Eyes Not Sold post pointed out that Huckabee was the first candidate to make an Anna Nicole Smith policy statement, making the world safe for boobocracy. In the intervening 10 months it appears that he has made absolutely no effort to learn much of anything else about the world that the United States lives in. Staying glib, casual, quick-witted, empathetic and evangelical seemed like the winning formula given his real intentions in this race. Almost stranger than fiction, this Ignatius Reilly of Arkansas, the Arkansas ayatollah, is a real candidate, leading in Iowa and South Carolina polls.

Sometimes a joke can go on for too long and with no Republican candidate showing any sign of being appealing enough to take charge anytime soon, this one may.


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