Catalog time
It is most certainly holiday catalog time. They reliably come in the mail each day and most find their way quickly into the trash. Experience has taught us to not let them linger. Some are entertaining, especially those that have nothing that anyone needs. The best example is the Hammacher Schlemmer one, "America's Longest Running Catalog". It has keeping America great for 169 years.
Looking for an "Indoor Flameless Marshmallow Roaster". You're in luck, just $69.95 and it includes four stainless steel forks. What about "The Remote Controlled Abrams Tank" at just $279.95. 200 additional pellets are only $6.95. Those warriors 14 and over can play pretend Mosul assault anytime. For warriors that are only 8 years old there are "The RC Wall Climbing Battle Tanks", remote controlled with infrared cannons. If the holiday spirit really grabs you, what about "The 18 foot Frosty the Snowman Lightshow". Passersby will look in awe, neighbors will hate you, a bargain at $399.95. Less costly, there's the "Best Projection Clock" that will deliver an image on your ceiling of the time and temperature, why roll over if its only $89.95. There are many more ways to throw your money away within this catalog.
The Sharper Image catalog offerings are, on the whole, a bit more practical. Advertised as a "holiday must-have" is the "Ultimate Ultraviolet Shoe Odor Eliminator". For the bargain price of $139.99 there will be no worry about doffing your shoes and sitting around the tree Christmas morning. Are you constantly losing golf balls in tall grass or under shady trees. The lightweight Golf Ball Finder glasses can be yours for $59.99. They're five star rated. Agitated at work. The "Fantasy Jellyfish Aquarium" creates a sense of calm in your office. Its maintenance-free habitat, featuring lifelike rubber jellyfish, is only $99.99 and you'll be the coolest character on the job. More practical right.
Shopping for unexpected gifts here is easy, useful gifts maybe not so much.
Warning: those with a ready credit card and a blood alcohol content of .08 or higher should not be allowed to read these catalogs near a phone.
Looking for an "Indoor Flameless Marshmallow Roaster". You're in luck, just $69.95 and it includes four stainless steel forks. What about "The Remote Controlled Abrams Tank" at just $279.95. 200 additional pellets are only $6.95. Those warriors 14 and over can play pretend Mosul assault anytime. For warriors that are only 8 years old there are "The RC Wall Climbing Battle Tanks", remote controlled with infrared cannons. If the holiday spirit really grabs you, what about "The 18 foot Frosty the Snowman Lightshow". Passersby will look in awe, neighbors will hate you, a bargain at $399.95. Less costly, there's the "Best Projection Clock" that will deliver an image on your ceiling of the time and temperature, why roll over if its only $89.95. There are many more ways to throw your money away within this catalog.
The Sharper Image catalog offerings are, on the whole, a bit more practical. Advertised as a "holiday must-have" is the "Ultimate Ultraviolet Shoe Odor Eliminator". For the bargain price of $139.99 there will be no worry about doffing your shoes and sitting around the tree Christmas morning. Are you constantly losing golf balls in tall grass or under shady trees. The lightweight Golf Ball Finder glasses can be yours for $59.99. They're five star rated. Agitated at work. The "Fantasy Jellyfish Aquarium" creates a sense of calm in your office. Its maintenance-free habitat, featuring lifelike rubber jellyfish, is only $99.99 and you'll be the coolest character on the job. More practical right.
Shopping for unexpected gifts here is easy, useful gifts maybe not so much.
Warning: those with a ready credit card and a blood alcohol content of .08 or higher should not be allowed to read these catalogs near a phone.
posted by John Borden at 5:47 PM
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